Do You Want To Be A Lighthouse Parent?

It sometimes feels like someone comes up with a new way to parent our children every five years. When my daughter was growing up it was all about whether or not you were a helicopter parent. Now the buzz term is the lighthouse parent which is probably the furthest away you can get from being a helicopter parent. So, the question is this – do you want to be a lighthouse parent?

So, what exactly is a lighthouse parent? Well, think about a lighthouse for a moment. It guides ships safely to shore with its steady beam of light. A lighthouse parent does the same thing they are there to guide their children through any storm. They do not hover, they allow their children to forge their paths, and make mistakes and they are always there to offer guidance, support, and stability. A lighthouse parent is a parent who has found a way to strike a balance between offering guidance and allowing their children to explore and learn on their own. These parents may watch their child fall, but, they are always there to pick them up. They provide a sense of security and comfort for their children.

But being a lighthouse parent isn’t just about being there. It’s also about listening to your kids and not passing judgment, reassuring them when they’re feeling unsure, and being their biggest cheerleader through life’s ups and downs. Raising my daughter I tried to be a lighthouse parent. I encouraged my daughter to try whatever she wanted and as long as she tried her best the outcome was irrelevant. By trying you learn so many new things not only about what you like and don’t like but also about yourself.

All of this being said, I find being a lighthouse parent hard. It is hard to watch our children struggle when we know the solution to the problem. It is hard to watch your child suffer, be sad, and lonely, or know what is coming and yet remain quiet for them to figure it out themselves. My daughter is turning 20 this year and I still am learning how to embrace the idea of being a lighthouse parent. I went from being a full-time parent to one whose child now lives 15 hours away. Sometimes I just want to scoop her up and bring her home where I know I can keep her safe and sound. Then I realized that I wouldn’t be doing that for her, I would be doing it for me.

I naively used to believe that I knew my child better than anyone. I thought I knew exactly what was best for her. Let’s face it, she came from me, so how could I not? I believed that until the day came when I realized just how wrong I was. I know the version of my daughter that she shares with me, however, that is not the version that her friends, teachers or boss might see. You might be thinking it is different with your child, but, it isn’t. Let’s face it are you the exact same whether you are with your child, parents, spouse or girlfriends? Most people would say no.

If you already know the answer to this then you may be a lighthouse parent already. The person who knows your child best is themselves. Your child knows what they think, how they feel and what their dreams off. Sometimes we do not give our kids enough credit. While they won’t get everything right, you will be amazed at just how often they do. While our kids still need rules and discipline they often know the difference between right and wrong all on their own.

These thoughts are by no means revolutionary. Be there for your kids, love that, guide them and have faith in them. If you know you are a helicopter parent, land your helicopter and just shine your light in their direction instead. Also, be kind to yourself. You love your children, you want what’s best for them and you are doing your best and what you believe to be best. Just remember that your child might be able to help you figure out what is best for them.

For additional parenting tips take a peek at my article “What Makes Someone a Great Mom?”

P.S. – For more detailed information about “Helicopter Parenting” click the link below.